Okay start !!

 So my day eh 

I have decided on my projects and goals to achieve in the coming days, and I'm pretty sure I can complete those. 

1) Podcast everyday with anyone from class or anyone, just for fun now matter how long or small it is I'll publish it. 

2) Read pointers in C, 1 biography, 1 finance book, 1 creative book, 1 fiction, 1 cryptography one academic 

3) My own blog website

4) Make cryptographic functions and publish those !!

5) daily track of habits 

6) body fat under one digit, while weight being 57 kg.

7) Do not eat anything from outside 

8) Fucking study !!!!

9) Self satisfaction activities (helping, environment work)

12:51 -

 It fucking sucks that I ruined something so good, because I was/am immature, and it's just bad. It's getting bad and I guess it'll get worse, we think that everything just passes good enough but actually it reflects on everything in future, and that's no good. I looked at sky with hope and it was so good, I loved it actually !!. I guess it was one of the best sky I might have seen and there was nothing special in it, I just liked it and it was nice. 

My LGBTQIA++ class went so awkward today !!!

I guess, I should just focus on myself and work on myself and maybe some time later I can do something. I just don't know how to get away from it, like it stings and stays with one. Maybe I am too self centered. I should 

1:56 - 2:02

 So, I need to wake up at 6oclock in the morning, no matter what to actually run and do some physical exercise and to smoke, this way would be better and right now I will write a code in c++, for my project I hope it goes well. 

I'm feeling empty, and I wanna do fun in real life, but leave it 

the day went by really quick that's one thing and I promise to give more insights, later

caio 

1:33 - 1:35

 So on 24th my hackathon ended, then after submission I slept for around 6 hours and that was quite enough. Though I feel that I couldn't give my 100% in the hackathon, like I could have done better that I could have been more focused. 

I have planned for a few things now I hope it works. Also it's getting really depressing day by day, I don't understand what should I do. I guess I should just follow my routine and everything will work out just fine !!

2:20 - 2:28

 So, I went in this website today for some work and it fucking destroyed my laptop, not like destroy, destroy but just had made my laptop working slow. 

Also I understood that leaving smoking brings in a heavy toll on mental health, like it is responsible for the release of nicotine and since I didn't had that today it fucked my mind, but as soon as I felt dizzy like good good, like I was very happy but then I had smoke before my nap and when I woke up, I was so much energetic and so I guess I need to work on that. I'll have juice from now on. 

I got Pokemon games today from my friends, now I'm thinking when to play them, I thought of giving one hour of time everyday after dinner, but usually after dinner I take a bath because of all the sweat and everything, so I guess after 5oclock I can do that, since after my classes I'm usually very inactive and maybe using my time in the game would just help me in one way or another. 

Also meditation is good, like actually good, you have to give it some time, but it will remove you from all the distractions. And I'll switch to an android phone very soon, because this iPhone is fucking addictive, so maybe a normal one wouldn't do much harm, I'll save for it, also I need to work on my grammar, I guess I don't write things which I think in my head. Like I forget a few things in middle it's upto the third person interpretation I guess. 

And I'm forcing myself to journal everyday, because I wanna have good habits. 

1:32 - 1:53

So, I'm trying to build a chat based website. For the same I'll have to understand react, php and still discovering more, I'll start on that from tomorrow. Also now I'm understanding how to plan stuff, since I have deleted my insta there has been some rise in my daily productivity but a habit of phone is a habit of phone. 

Since I have stopped smoking it is really good, I'm sad most of the time, irritated but it's fine it is a process, I really wanna quit this time because of money greed, I guess I will be able to use my money more effectively. Maybe send flowers or whatever, I guess being hopeless romantic is not a great idea overall but when I feel comfortable with people, I just let myself out and show my true side and I guess that's what it is. 

I did some graphic designing, which was fun but shortly I'll switch on to another software instead of AUTOCAD, because it's just better I don't know how but it is as what my friend said. 

I heard a podcast today, not my favorite activity, but I wanna improve my listening skill so yup, also I head it in Hindi so was kinda I don't know just felt good/ I was attentive (crime podcast). Now on I will listen to French podcasts so to improve.

Also there was a too much fighting in hostel today for food. And I was very displeased. I'll have a good story to talk about. 

5:18 - 5:21

 I slept around 10oclock yesterdayday, so that was too much crazy and I woke my around 4oclock, so that might be the best thing I have done in my entire week. Also I'm done with my OOP project, it's just some few minor revisions which I have to work upon and then I'll be done with that also. I actually devoted majority of my time this weekend on the project and I guess it's good. Just imagine a habit maker in c++, which will track TRACK everything!!

And it's flexible so, so can do anything like make daily assignments. make a timetable with the same. and what now!!!

Also I had a dream which will go in my little notepad. 

3:39 - 3:40

 It's very hard to maintain habits, I'm being very sleepy and I'll work on that and I think my French is going pretty well.

My new laptop is coming tomorrow or day after, hopefully I'll use that, I think that I'll use that for fun stuff.  I also am almost done with my project, and that is super fun. Like I'll wake up and will work on it for a hour and then accordingly will see. 

And I didn't make the list, I guess I will make that in the morning !!

2:26 - 2:28

 I don't feel like writing today, I feel off 

Also I don't like to reflect my professional life on my personal life and vice versa, no matter what my sorrows are or whatever. I'm working and now I'm going to make a list of things which I have to do in 2 months and that is for sure, those I'll do !!

11:27 - 11:33

 Today was decent, there was an event today of entrepreneurship and was pretty shit, like beautiful shit. 

before that I can class and after that I had a math class, where a very cute professor came to teach us, and she was really cute and sweet. Then I had online classes where I had planned to study but ended up watching different things and I smoked very less today than I usually do, so I'm happy about it. 

today I will study for my hackathon 

12:35 - 12:43

 Yesterday was fun, I did a lot of work, honestly could have done more, I read books and completed my hackathon algorithm, now we know what things to study for the algorithm to be built. The logic is clear but the coding in different languages is the main objective. We will be coding in python which is my least fav language, but I guess it'll be fun. 

I need to start studying nodal graphs, like I learnt the basics and the algorithms but I must do more in the same because it's very high things. Also I'm not keeping my finance diary updated since I came from pondi and it's stressing me out. 

I'm reading I'm trying to be a better reader and I'm to do as much as I can. 

I guess I might start going on dates again, but am super scared because it takes up a lot of my time and also apart from that in this week or next my laptop from home will be here so I'll officially be a tech guy, it'll be super fun. 

And I'm smoking a lot, but I'm having no issues, it's a matter of time when my health once again degrades, I had all three time meal today and also went out with my classmates, eh it was nice. I guess I need to open up more, I should at least try be the same as before, I don't like when people get sad or aren't laughing around me. Also I'm working on my adhd condition, and it's small small steps which I'm taking. I'l try to complete at least 4 books, I already read one this month and will try to complete 7 books in the next months and will keep on increasing.

And I don't want to talk about my love or emotional side, because I guess thinking or talking about it just makes it worse for me and I have a lot on my plate, I'm trying to fill in the void will more and more work. 

12:13 - 12:27

I realized today that I'm so traumatized with being beaten up that, now I laugh whenever I feel physical pain. So I got in an accident and I have some bruises on my leg and hip, so it's hurting and whenever it stings, I'm laughing and it's just so wrong in all different levels that I cannot even explain 

I'm back from pondi, I have two-three ideas to work upon, so I'll start working on them only and will leave everything on the way because I think this will go good, I'll start from 20 when all my exams and things are over. 

And yeah cool 

5:43 - 5:50

 So, I'm at the beach and looking here just makes me go "ohh Lala"

I'm loving it here, and it feels so amazing, all alone but at the same time so sad. The reason I came here just giving me one hit to another, though I have tried one more thing. Also I have started writing everything down in a small pad so that's really fun to do. 

Just imagine you are at the beach with so much wholesomeness and instead of clicking pictures you write in a small pad in the beach. Rn I'm in a seat writing my blog, not that anyone cares I feel so good. With a good balance in the bank and just my stuff. I have not taken any hotel so didn't had any bath or got chance to brush my teeth, I'll see what to do. 

I think I can stay here for another 3 years. Not because of someone but because, it's really fun. All the people are looking at me "ohh writing in his laptop in the beach, ohh you think you are smarter than us?" no I'm not, maybe a little but I just want to be cool, and she's the coolest. I guess it'll be sunrise very soon. 

So I better go and enjoy, uhm uhm sorry cherish this moment as much as I can since I know there's no one with whom I could play beach kabadi with, so yup but still it's fine. I really really hope that I will be better off without her, I really do I must accept this. what that senior did for me, I hope I can do the same for someone in near future. like 2-3 years from now. uhhh it is good 

8:36 - 8:42

There are double thoughts for everything, I cannot even start how that feels having double thoughts. 

Now I'm confused that have I been given another chance or the other one, I cannot tell how difficult it is to manage all these emotions, it's like I'll drown in these feelings (feelings is very boomer term but okay)

Whenever I'm onto some important work, then only I want to talk to people and never else. It is just so stupid, I feel like that the entire idea was, umm sorry... is* stupid. I don't know how to manage, now one thing, just one I wanna do and I'm feeling it'll be too much, or I guess I shouldn't have even asked for it. I should have just done it no matter what. uhh this is so frustrating. 

and I forgot to do my habit tasks and it sucks, I'm so so disappointed with it. though I updated my laptop, so yup. 

11:55 - 11:59

Today I had a test of maths and it went really good, now I have a test of semiconductors on 5th, so I'll start preparing for it from tomorrow. 

I also have planned to start working out and cut on cigarettes, because I think it's a high time and that I'm really confused regarding one thing, that I think I should do or not. I'll make an analysis of whether to do it or not. 

After my semi will be done I'll start focusing on other things, since I'm again productive and have started doing things, not like before but this time it's a bit slow, but at least I'm doing things; it's good only. 

And I wish the best to everyone who ever came in my life. 

11:41 - 12:00

 I wish, flowers would stop withering. Sky stay in its' kesari aura. And everything around me just freezes, and the sun with it's roshni doesn't disturb me, while my hands go cold. 

Eh.... I will improve with these things. So I deleted all my dating apps, that's one thing, like a big big thing. I studied maths today and I took cigarettes in the morning only so, I didn't leave my room. I only left for food and water. Pretty chill 

I completed another level in duolingo so I got few rewards, I'm also planing to start playing new game on my phone, also I didn't read anything so it's like itching me a bit. I will read after this. 

And I guess I'll study now....

1:01 - 1:05

 I feel wholesome, and hungry. 

I studied for my test today and studied more and more and then I did maths. That's my highlight and then I also smoked less today, I guess so. 

Also Ansh called me few days back and I hung up on a bad note and it's complicated. 

I'm happy with my new routine that I'm able to do work again, efficiently!!!

and I'm happy with everything right now, I'd like to change a few things and I'm working on it, hopefully everything will turn out just fine. Hopefully.

I wanna take out names but I'm just scared all about it !!!