9:50 - 9:57

 ab Ajeeb sa lag raha hai, but theek hai 

yado ke kuye(well) ko band kar,

uski nami(humid) hava ki sehrat mai mil gai 

jo kabhi baarish lati thi, vahi aaj dhoop se kaat-ti hai

yahi thi shayad woh dhoop jo hava ko kaat chubh-ti thi 

I have a sem exam tomorrow and I haven't studied anything, though I think I'll manage. It feels like something is missing and I cannot really understand what maybe some "what's after this". I guess I need more time I guess I'm overwhelmed to shift into my apartment. I'll make it good!!

1:22 - 1:27

 I have again started to solve rubrics cube, and it turned out I had the wrong date sheet for my end sem tests and now now that I know the real timetable, I'm really impressed from my uni. Because they have scheduled our end sems just like the way they should have been. 

And I'm improving on myself like the focus level again, I'm doing voice training and yes I studied a today. But I could have done more. And I guess I need a break from my phone, so tomorrow I'll switch off my phone for 6 hours so that I can study. And it's a big day today, so excited !!!

10:37 - 10:41

 I want to watch "hey baby" for the first time again 

I still remember when I was leaving Kanpur for school in December last year, my sister gave me a small bottle of whiskey and ahhh, it was so nice. Yes that was so fun !!

I wanna drink, but again drinking alone is sad and even if I get drink alone I will so sad and lonely so I don't wanna do that !!

So any drinking partner just hit me up (Maybe after drinking one can be as fun as me, maybe!!0)

12:17 - 12:24

 "Ek baar fir tu hass ke zara dekh le meri aakoh mai ked karle mai teri baate"

I had promised one thing in Jan when everyone was hyping about Anuv Jain that I will never listen to any of his songs, well I was the one who said "Change is the only constant" so, yup. 

I did not visit safaa because I was doing something else, also I'm getting the idea of smoking weed, but I don't really want to do it but I'm having such bad temptations for it. I know if I smoke once everything will be done so I won't. 

Alos I'm making a routine of how I will sit down for studying. 

1. Read a self improvement book 

2. Think of how great life can be 

3. Meditate with everything out of mind 

4. Do something which you really like (academic) 

5. Start loving life (gay)

6. And then start studying non stop !!

7. oh yeah oh yeah ( I just wanted to add an point) 

Also I'm planning to ask this girl out (properly), I'll have to travel a bit but it's fine. I'll look into it, I will be fine, I will be just fine. 

1:54 - 1:56

 I'm planning to visit safaa in the morning and ditch the current plan of shifting of Aishwarya, let's see how that place is. And I guess now seeing my condition it's hard to tell if I can make it to the beach in the morning though I would for surely study right now!!

And things are well, I guess I can catch up with the old routine, but not the exact same but better. Being more flexible !!

1:20 - 1:26

 I met my senior today, after like 3 months. The only thing in my mind was her and seeing him so disinterested, just made me realize "okay !!!" and also that he was busy as his manager had dumped some work on him. So thats's one thing. 

And I guess I will focus on studies and I'll enjoy myself and will study, so that'll be fun !!

I never was like a guy friend kinda guy, like I could never be like "hey bro let's have beer and play some pool" I could never do that. And that really I think is a bad thing. Because who actually likes a lonely person, actually. and it's rude to say but it's true. And I fucked my practical. 

I cannot fuck things up anymore !!

okay

 So, it's been a rough 2-3 days, been through a lot, lost a lot and gained a lot. I hope my future has some decent/cool things in the way. And I'm guessing I'm reverse aging, it's like as a kid what things or the manner which I could have never shown it's all coming out with the people I'm comfortable with and that is honestly very disturbing because I guess I'm becoming weak or should I say delusional. I guess I'll just cut contact or maybe stay away with the people with whom I'm very comfortable. I know this will just maintain a balance. Too much of abundance creates chaos and we devalue those things. I don't want that. 

Because of my test I was not able to really give my attention over things, but since I'm more free now I guess I should start doing things which I guess will just be good for me. Things which will develop me. 

2:02 - 2:06

 Sometimes habits can be a bit hard to maintain but ok!

So yes, it's been bad; whenever I get down to study or have to focus on anything one pops up and I cannot give my attention to it, it's like bad, like bad bad!! 

I have started meditating which is good, I have a good control over my thoughts but still she sneaks in and it's so fucking bad. uhh 

Okay I deleted a sentence. 

I have a busy week filled with exams so, I'll start studying for the same !!