okay is the coolest word !!

 It's Diwali, and there's so much going on which I cannot comprehend. But it's fine. 

I guess everything is going in a steady pace. I like beaches apparently I thought those places are only worth going if there was a new memory I had to make. But actually fine. I like it there, it's no temple, or any mosque where I'd pray now. But it's fine. 

And I guess this will be the end of blogging. I might start another later someday, my own web hosted blog. But I'm done, having to feel like a community. I wish there were more places I could have been with you. I wish we could have stolen those strawberries. I feel like I did so many things wrong, I was more immature than my 15 year old self. And I'm not saying if things went back the way they were before, everything would workout, it won't. It never will I guess. But I'll be there, I don't know what Im saying but I don't know. 

Now it's like I wish there was one more day that I could irritate you more, so that we wouldn't be together, that I wish I did not get that lighter, and I still have it and I 'm not angry or in regret or anything but, just doesn't click right. It just does not. 

And I wish, I could show you my Campus. 

6:58 - 7:08

Mujhe kya, mai toh zinda hu. 

Guy infront of me is playing games I guess, because he's not blinking eyes. It fascinates me when I remember how physics made me go in different world. But it's ok, jo ho geya ho geya. I think I should start reading blogs, dekhta hu. Life so bad that I have to write about it. 

Toh ab bohot aram kar liya, It's fine now I'll manage, apparently my typing speed is faster than my thinking speed. I have been doing pot again. But now I'm done one week clean. No cigarettes, no pot, no nothing only Shero love of my life. Sach mai !!

Now I'm understanding that the things I love, I do not cherish them, like okay done. I don't value them much. And that goes only for humans, I like materialistic things. I guess maybe I know they'll leave. It's a cycle na. Toh let's see. 

I'm having mood swings. of course why won't I. I'll work

11:29 -11:32

 Woke up 6 again and then had some work, went to college, then all the classes got cancelled, then went to my friends flat, where I went naked on the 12th floor balcony. Super duper fun, then I went out again wearing very less clothes, so that good. Came back slept naked. Did shopping, came back home and organized everything and yup that's it. 

11:49 - 11:55

 SO I'm reading "The Promise" my days are generally going busy, though it's fine I like it, it doesn't feel like work, it moreover feels like I'm playing. 

I have a schedule for my flat, like on what days I'll do what this way I will not have to think, oh wait what do I have to do today, hahahaha sticky note "gotcha ya". So there's that 

I'll start having my classes from tomorrow but now I'm comfortable meeting new people whom I know will be close to me so it's fun. Also a friend of mine will most prob stay with me, so that'll be fun I suppose, he and me both smokes so yup. 

Also I forgot to exercise today, not like forgot forgot but more of as I got lazy. 

I guess I should tell all these things to my parents but any ways they will not be interested.

8:53 - 8:54

 So my flatmates left today, so it's just me in flat; an induction, stove and microwave will come in a few days so that's good I'll cook things, but I don't have utensils. 

I'll start working on my project, I already have so that's one thing. And I'll read books !!

9:50 - 9:57

 ab Ajeeb sa lag raha hai, but theek hai 

yado ke kuye(well) ko band kar,

uski nami(humid) hava ki sehrat mai mil gai 

jo kabhi baarish lati thi, vahi aaj dhoop se kaat-ti hai

yahi thi shayad woh dhoop jo hava ko kaat chubh-ti thi 

I have a sem exam tomorrow and I haven't studied anything, though I think I'll manage. It feels like something is missing and I cannot really understand what maybe some "what's after this". I guess I need more time I guess I'm overwhelmed to shift into my apartment. I'll make it good!!

1:22 - 1:27

 I have again started to solve rubrics cube, and it turned out I had the wrong date sheet for my end sem tests and now now that I know the real timetable, I'm really impressed from my uni. Because they have scheduled our end sems just like the way they should have been. 

And I'm improving on myself like the focus level again, I'm doing voice training and yes I studied a today. But I could have done more. And I guess I need a break from my phone, so tomorrow I'll switch off my phone for 6 hours so that I can study. And it's a big day today, so excited !!!